This weekend is a big one for the Hubby family down in Austin, Tx. It's Mother's Day, Dad's birthday, and special celebrations for my brother-in-law Grant who's turning 30 and has just earned his MBA (superstar). Since we can't be there in person, we decided to post a few short video snipits of our lives up here in the midwest. So much love!

Just wanted a current picture up on my blog. Special thanks to Annie's Godparents for these adorable Easter dresses. Christ is Risen!

Annie

Today Annie is five months old. Last year at this time I was three months pregnant and terribly nauseous. I was also still raw and shaky from Adrian's death; worried that I might also lose this baby.

Looking at this bright eyed, chunky little one today, it's hard to remember those feelings. I feel peaceful now - hypnotized by Annie's smile and extremely chubby legs. But somewhere in the back of my mind, I know. I know that more pain and worry and problems lie ahead. I know a little bit about tough times and it freaks me out to think of what may be to come. Thoughts like these make me want to crawl back in bed.

I don't, however. Crawl back in bed, that is. Not today at least. No, I get up and say prayers and drink lots of coffee and thank God for the tasks of the day that distract me from negative thoughts. Dn. Michael Hyatt has a podcast on AFR this week about fear. He says that thankfulness is its antidote - so I'm testing his theory.

It's in this spirit of gratitude that I write this blog. Participating in poetry Wednesday has seemed - well less than appealing up to now. Don't get me wrong. I've enjoyed reading your posts more than you know - it's just that locating a poem, picture and actually writing a blog has seemed an insurmountable task. Today, however, I have a poem to share, and I am grateful for this place to post it.


Dn Joshua Lollar and his family serve at St. Elizabeth's. The parish is 45 minutes (at least) from their home in South Bend, but they rarely miss a service. I read an article in The New Yorker once about a father's advice to his daughter. "Go to the funeral," he instructed. He goes on to explain that although perhaps a bit difficult or tedious, people are always worth the inconvenience. He was basically telling his daughter to, "be there" for others.

Both in our painful and joyful moments, people have, "been there," for us. Our friends and family helped us mourn the loss of Adrian, celebrate Annie's birth and experience her baptism. The Lollars are the kind of people that, "go to the funeral," and their support for others is almost tangible.

This beautiful poem was written by Dn Joshua for Annie on her baptism.








For Annie

Why must birth come through the waters,
Daughter Anya, are you born today where
Darkened depths are met by only
Deeper, running, mind,
Clothing for a glowing body?


Somewhere there are water shapes, for
Nights are days with colors near the edges
Looking in: the center ripe with
Time is running, slowly, silent,
Eyes and waters speaking clearly.


Only waters clothe the ground. You
Woke and there you found the world the face of
God: Adam is his eye and
Eve his eye, right and
Left and sometimes blind or light.


What is air but water in her
Memory? Her breathing winter silence
Thin and sharp and lost in backward
Longing by the seashore’s
Lonely watchfulness.


What is earth but water’s slower
Life? Always faulting lines to know her
Fluency and shining voice to
Be her own once more,
But the voice is so far faded.


What is fire but water’s fate and
Inward life where death and light become a
Mirror and a silver pool who
Look, astonished, into
One another’s lidless eyes?


Everything begins when motion
Goes to sleep and you at last awake, an
Eye returning to the moment
When the colors were the
Names of faces, hands, and feet.

16 January 2011
video taken by Jane Maddex with instructions to "put it on the blog."

Some new pictures

I have trouble finding time to blog these days, but wanted to post a few pictures. My sweet dad got tickets for us to attend the Notre Dame football game last week. We got there early, had lunch with friends, rooted our hearts out, and returned in time for trick-or-treating. The perfect fall day.

Isabelle's day in the city

When I was little, my mom took each of us on a "mother's day out." Basically it was a chance to have some one-on-one time with mom as well as get in a little shopping. Yesterday, I took Isabelle for a day in the city. We went to the zoo, shopped around, and visited the cultural center (they had an amazing Louis Sullivan exhibit). For a 6 year old, Isabelle was really taken with the Chicago architecture and began taking pictures of the sights. These are a few of my favorites.

Father's Day

I love this picture of my dad. He's big and strong - and surrounded by so many kids.

As I look at this picture now, I think that he is actually about my current age. I realize - how he must have realized - that one never does feel grown up or ready for one's responsibilities.

In fact, how totally overwhelming it must have felt - to have so many children dependent upon him.

****

Throughout this pregnancy, Bobby has been amazing. Cooking meals without asking, taking the girls on errands when I seem spent and even bringing me little treats (magazines, icecream, coffee drinks) just to be nice.

I was thinking that it must take a little while for men to understand that having a baby is hard work - and some pregnancies are more difficult than others - some days more trying - and you never know how the physical demands will effect your ability to get things done.

But I have been so busy trying to make Bobby understand how I feel, that I have had little time to consider his position. For example, I decide to work - or not work with little more thought than considering if I have time to knit. For Bobby - whether to work would never be an option. The luxury of "considering what he's good at" is a thing of the past. There are scary financial concerns looming over him - concerns that I care about and then forget about...

****

Today I met my friends Beth and Jared at the airport. They were returning from Ethiopia with their new little baby, Lucia. What a precious little thing she is, too. But on my drive home, I kept thinking about Jared. He was hesitant to share much information about the trip - not because it didn't affect him - quite the opposite. The whole experience affected him too profoundly to speak of casually. What's more, I could already see adoration for that little girl in his eyes.

****
I guess I'm just starting to realize how much I have misunderstood - well men! Not that they're all the same or anything - but with the important men in my life, I think I've dismissed them in a way, simply because they communicate a bit differently than my female family and friends. I've misread and possibly misjudged - and this has prevented me from truly appreciating them.

So as I look at this picture again with fresh eyes, I see a loving father - who took time out to take his many children swimming. I see a dad who was willing to be silly, energetic, and patient - when there were more pressing things to be done - probably even a much needed nap! For skipping the nap and so much more, I want to thank you, Dad. I love you. Happy Father's Day!

Slip-n-slide